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Dear Sista, my husband & I have been having marrital problems due to a pornography addiction he has been battling thru out our 10yr marriage. To make a long story short, i have stood by his side thru it all. He has been working real hard lately to make up for the damage that has been done to our relationship. The problem is that im screwed up emotionally from this. There is trust,insecurity & self esteem issues that I have a hard time dealing with. Many of our arguments stem from his lack of sensitivity & patience with these feelings. He gets frustrated with me because I cant move fwd. A problem that could of been solved with undrstanding & love is answered with anger & pride.I am frustrated & ready to give up. I feel like I have stood by his side thru so much heartache but when I need him he is quick to abandon me. I have worked very hard @ my marriage and am hurt that he wont do them same for me.For the love of my kids I will try to endure all I can but I am wondering if this marriage is worth it my sanity.
 
Dear Wants to be happy...I am delighted that you checked out and watched Fireproof. A close friend of mine watched it with her husband and passed it on to me. It pretty much covers what every couple experiences in their marriage. Marriage to me is a complete act of Faith. It takes two to make things work, but once we allow pride to take over we will lose our way. The important thing I've found helpful is to simply 'pay attention' to each other, to your surroundings, to the things that you and your spouse choose to do. Pay attention, communicate and make a concious effort to 'be nice' to each other. Most people would take that as a sign of weakness because they think they need to prove themselves in front of everyone to be tough and in control. It's actually the other way around...it takes more strength to 'be nice' than it does to do otherwise. Good on you two! Keep it up regardless of the relapses...that is to be expected. The important thing is that you both are working toward the same goal. Weaknesses test our stength and character. Best of luck to you both through the eternities.
Sista (Laie, HI, USA)



Dear Sista,

I am happy to say that things are heading in the right direction. After I mailed you, I found a blog site on LDS.org with other wives who were dealing with the same problem. I also found comfort in a very close/trusting friend & her husband. Telling someone we trust was indeed the first step to recovery for my husband & I. We were also both able to get a priesthood blessing from this friend. We watched the movie Fireproof and it gave us an insight on each others feelings. Working on our communication has helped a lot. He is being more sensitive & patience with my feelings. As for his addiction,(sigh) it has been a long 10yrs. We know the root of it & we have seen the bishop time after time. He would stay "clean" for a year or so and relapse. Hopefully this time around he will beat it. The church has a counsling program for it that we are looking into. Please keep us in your prayers. I would love to hear from anyone else who is going thru this similar problem. Thank you Sista for your time & advice.


wants to be happ (Laie,HI, USA)



Dear Sista,

I am happy to say that things are heading in the right direction. After I mailed you, I found a blog site on LDS.org with other wives who were dealing with the same problem. I also found comfort in a very close/trusting friend & her husband. Telling someone we trust was indeed the first step to recovery for my husband & I. We were also both able to get a priesthood blessing from this friend. We watched the movie Fireproof and it gave us an insight on each others feelings. Working on our communication has helped a lot. He is being more sensitive & patience with my feelings. As for his addiction,(sigh) it has been a long 10yrs. We know the root of it & we have seen the bishop time after time. He would stay "clean" for a year or so and relapse. Hopefully this time around he will beat it. The church has a counsling program for it that we are looking into. Please keep us in your prayers. I would love to hear from anyone else who is going thru this similar problem. Thank you Sista for your time & advice.


wants to be happ (Laie,HI, USA)



Dear "Wants to be happy"...you may want to turn back the clock and find out exactly why he has this addiction because there are many reasons why your husband has turned to pornography. Most of the time, people will do stupid things for the sake of one simple element; and that would be "attention". Can you please do me a favor and go to the nearest video store and check out the movie "Fireproof"? This is a movie you need to watch with your husband. Set all your cares aside and make it a date night with just the two of you having a great time with each other and at the same time learning about each other all over again. It takes two to make a marriage work and it takes getting rid of the pride on both parts to secure what you both have worked so hard for. Please watch this movie and tell me how it went. Looking forward to hearing about your evening together. I will share with you what I have learned in my relationship 'after' you watch the movie.


Sista (Laie, Hawaii, USA)




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